Journey with You

OMG, 113 days left until my due date, based on the ovulation day anyway!! And I have actually only about 92 days left until 37 week, officially full term. That’s less than 100 days left. So amazing!! Time seems to pass a lot quicker now that we have baby purchase to worry about.

We haven’t bought anything yet. NOTHING at all so far. We are slacking. We’ve got some clothes from Aunt B and a swing chair, a high chair, two tubs, and a bassinet from my co-worker A. We should try and see if the swing is working and in safe condition though.

I did start some research on cloth diapers and felt really over-whelmed. There is so much to learn. I think we are going for regular cloth diapers and diaper covers. The book BABY BARGAINS suggested a few nice websites to check on. Babies R Us only carries plain cloth diapers (the square kind) so I think I would try the ones sold online and see how they work.

I went to Sears, Baby Depot, and Babies R Us last Saturday to look at cribs and changing table. Selection were quite limited actually. Sears only carries 3 cribs. Baby Depot mainly carries Delta brand while most of the cribs at Babies R Us are Jardine brand. My FIL and his wife said they would pay for the crib so I think a crib between $200-$300 should be a good choice. I still want to visit USA Baby and see what brands they offer. I am going to check the regular furniture stores for a dresser. But this is not as urgent since we do have many dressers in the house. However, we don’t want to put the nursery together half fast. We need to pick one that will match or at least close to the crib and the changing table.

We also need to pick a day to take my MIL to stores to pick out a stroller, car seat, play yard, and other accessories. Too bad our new house is still in process of closing and we can’t decorate the baby’s room until maybe late May. Most of the ladies in my BG either started or already finished their nursery. Oh, I am also going to start looking at beddings for the crib and the bassinet. Anyway, lots of shopping around and price comparison waiting for me!! But I love it!!! I love doing shopping for our baby boy.

Last week and the Easter weekend were really bad for me. At first, got the bad news that my cyst was not getting smaller. Even though the nurse over the phone told me that Dr. A was satisfied with the result and was comfortable waiting till after the delivery to take care of my cyst, I still felt quite unsecured. They told me I can definitely choose to have vaginal birth and it won’t do any harm to my baby. I called back again on Thursday just to confirm that this was really what Dr. A thinks and not just nurses’ assumption. I guess I was so obsessed with this issue I called three times on Thursday. At the last conversation with nurse V, Dr. B suddenly took over the phone and started by asking me “You called so many times today for so many questions that are far ahead. What’s wrong with you?” and then said “Don’t you have any friends that you can call?” “Do you have a job?” “Maybe you should work more. You can come to work for us and take all the calls coming in.” I was so shocked to hear these words that I went speechless and didn’t know how to react. Even though she tried to smooth the conversation in the end by saying “Of course you can call any time. We’re just laughing because Dr. A told us you are doing great but you make it seem like something is wrong.” and “We are here for you.” those PR response, I was still very upset with her. I’ve never met a doctor so openly rude and mean. DH was totally right: she is not a good doctor.

DH and I took a trip to Toronto to spend our Easter weekend. It went pretty well the first day. We met with this Korean woman he met last summer and her roommate and went to a Korean restaurant for dinner. After that, we went to have bubble tea and to a bar. I knew what DH was thinking but I tried to keep up my spirit and have some fun. He then arranged meeting her again the next night. We went to the waterfront during the day and managed to get to the Little India for an Indian Buffet and then met her after dinner. I started getting really stressed and quite emotional. DH of course wasn’t happy. We had a huge fight after she left. He cried and said he will never be happy again this life time. I felt so depressed since then. I’ve been battling with different thoughts. Sometimes I feel maybe I should make some compromises just because I love him, we are married, and I don’t want my son to not be able to grow up with his father at the side. Other times, I feel so angry and feel it’s not fair that he is forcing me to do something I am not comfortable with. During the fight, he made it sound like my choices are either compromise or divorce.

The next morning, before we left for home, he found he lost his wedding ring. Fortunately, the owner of the guest house recovered it yesterday. I felt the lost and the recover of his wedding ring is symbolic but I am not sure what lesson is God trying to teach us. I wish God can shed some light on this. I am so confused and hopeless.

I had a busy afternoon yesterday. First of all, I went to have blood drawn for blood lead test. We’ve just found out we got some chipped lead paint in our house and I might have inhaled some during the summer when we were using the fan to get the air in from the windows. Dr. A told me chances are I am fine since I am not sanding it without a mask on. I guess we want to be better safe than sorry. I am hoping to hear good news on this in a couple of days.

I then had my prenatal appt. with Dr. A. She was very patient and nice. She answered my list of questions. She then used the Doppler to check the baby’s heartbeat. The baby didn’t seem to like it too much because he kept moving away and tried to kick off the monitor. His heart rate was at upper 140’s. Dr. also measured my fundal height and it’s right on track. My blood pressure and urine test were all normal as well.

After that, I went to another office to have another sonogram done on my cyst. It was a long wait, almost an hour. The sonogram itself was about 20 mins to half an hour. Dr. there told me that my cyst still measured 11cm, which was as big as 2 months ago. I felt so depressed when I heard this. The blood flow to my right ovary was fine but they couldn’t locate my left ovary “possibly” due to the enlarged uterus. Dr. said sometimes the uterus will push the ovary away thus it’s not uncommon. He showed me that my cyst was located behind my cervix and mentioned I may want to discuss with my OB/GYN about if the cyst will be in the way for delivery. This comment started making me worried about my delivery options. I also asked him about the septation. He pointed out a tiny one on the u/s photo but said every cyst may have septation and it doesn’t mean the cyst is not benign. He couldn’t tell me anything other than what he saw on the photos. I need to discuss my options with my OB.

After going home, DH started talking about the new house issue. He said he drove by the house, which we’re in the process of purchasing, after work and noticed some scary people in the neighborhood. He wanted me to drive over there to take a look after work today to see if I still think it’s an okay place to live. Of course he wasn’t too thrilled to hear the report I gave him on my cyst and he commented “our sinking ship.” That sure didn’t make me feel better. I am feeling so stressed right now because of my cyst and the housing issue. Without knowing where we are going to be, it’s harder to decide which pediatrician to choose. Day care is another big thing I really need to start working on. But I don’t even know how to start without knowing where we’re going to be. I really hope someone can give me some reassurance and comfort.

I took another belly photo last weekend and I compared it with the photo 3 weeks ago. The shape of my belly was about the same but it stuck out more this time. I am so happy. My baby is growing bigger and stronger everyday!!!

I’ve been wearing light weight long sleeve maternity clothes. I look pregnant in some and not in others. I guess some of them are baggier, so they can grow with me, thus makes it harder for people to tell whether I am pregnant or just fat. Anyway, I love how I look in those clothes!!
I am still quite irritable these days. I am still having sore hips while sleeping and I’ve just noticed the past few days that I started needing to go to the bathroom frequently during the night. Sometimes I also have bad backaches. I just don’t sleep as well as before.

Baby is very active and I can feel his kicks getting stronger. I can sometimes feel his kicks close to my bladder. I love feeling him moving!!!

Last Saturday I had my first uncomfortable contraction and it happened during our BD. It lasted for about half hour afterward and it stopped. It’s kind of scary. I should be careful with too intense of O. -_- That evening, I felt another Braxton Hicks contraction while we were on the way home from FIL’s. It’s not painful this time but I could feel it.

My next prenatal checkup is on Monday. Looking forward to hearing my baby boy’s heartbeat again. I am also hoping the doctor will measure my fundal height and let me know how big my baby is. People say doctors usually do this after 20 weeks. I am also going to have another u/s done for my cyst. Praying for a blessing on this too.