Journey with You

Last week and the Easter weekend were really bad for me. At first, got the bad news that my cyst was not getting smaller. Even though the nurse over the phone told me that Dr. A was satisfied with the result and was comfortable waiting till after the delivery to take care of my cyst, I still felt quite unsecured. They told me I can definitely choose to have vaginal birth and it won’t do any harm to my baby. I called back again on Thursday just to confirm that this was really what Dr. A thinks and not just nurses’ assumption. I guess I was so obsessed with this issue I called three times on Thursday. At the last conversation with nurse V, Dr. B suddenly took over the phone and started by asking me “You called so many times today for so many questions that are far ahead. What’s wrong with you?” and then said “Don’t you have any friends that you can call?” “Do you have a job?” “Maybe you should work more. You can come to work for us and take all the calls coming in.” I was so shocked to hear these words that I went speechless and didn’t know how to react. Even though she tried to smooth the conversation in the end by saying “Of course you can call any time. We’re just laughing because Dr. A told us you are doing great but you make it seem like something is wrong.” and “We are here for you.” those PR response, I was still very upset with her. I’ve never met a doctor so openly rude and mean. DH was totally right: she is not a good doctor.

DH and I took a trip to Toronto to spend our Easter weekend. It went pretty well the first day. We met with this Korean woman he met last summer and her roommate and went to a Korean restaurant for dinner. After that, we went to have bubble tea and to a bar. I knew what DH was thinking but I tried to keep up my spirit and have some fun. He then arranged meeting her again the next night. We went to the waterfront during the day and managed to get to the Little India for an Indian Buffet and then met her after dinner. I started getting really stressed and quite emotional. DH of course wasn’t happy. We had a huge fight after she left. He cried and said he will never be happy again this life time. I felt so depressed since then. I’ve been battling with different thoughts. Sometimes I feel maybe I should make some compromises just because I love him, we are married, and I don’t want my son to not be able to grow up with his father at the side. Other times, I feel so angry and feel it’s not fair that he is forcing me to do something I am not comfortable with. During the fight, he made it sound like my choices are either compromise or divorce.

The next morning, before we left for home, he found he lost his wedding ring. Fortunately, the owner of the guest house recovered it yesterday. I felt the lost and the recover of his wedding ring is symbolic but I am not sure what lesson is God trying to teach us. I wish God can shed some light on this. I am so confused and hopeless.