Journey with You

It’s Cyrus’ first Christmas!!

We took Cyrus to his 4 months checkup last Saturday. I also brought along his poopy diaper from that morning.

Here is his 4 months stats: 14 lbs 10 oz, 24 5/8 inches in length, and 42 cm in head size. Dr. S told us his weight was in 50th percentile, length a little bit over 50th, and head size a little bit over 50th. What a great news!! He is not a smaller-than-average baby anymore. He’s caught up in two months. I was so thrilled. Mama’s milk was the best!! I am so glad I stick to breastfeeding no matter how hard it was in the beginning. It finally pays off!!

When I showed Dr. S his diaper, he said it looked like he had diarrhea because of the smell. I felt a little bit ashamed of myself because I didn’t tell the difference of smell in his poo. Doc said he wasn’t concerned though because his weight gain had been great!!

I wasn’t anticipating this at all but the Doc said since Cyrus had doubled his birth weight and reached four months old, he can start solids now. He said that may help him sleep longer at night and help with the diarrhea. I always thought we’re not supposed to give him solids until he is 6 months old. I was excited to hear the news regardless. It’s going to be a lot of fun, I think!! We’re going to start with rice cereal, once a day until he gets used to it and then gradually increase the amount. After he is used to the cereal, we can introduce other baby food such as fruit an vegetables.

Dr. S also suggested us to get an exersaucer for him so he can practice using his legs a few times a day. After the checkups, we went right ahead to BRU to get a high chair, rice cereal, bowls, spoons, and an excersaucer. I put together the high chair and exersuacer that afternoon.

I’ve tried to feed him cereal twice now. He’s been pushing them out with his tongue and making faces or crying. I’ve read not to push it too hard so I am taking my time. Eventually he will get a hang of it. He’s been in the exersaucer as well and he seems to enjoy it a lot. He hasn’t been able to spin himself yet but he’s had toys making noises already.

Cyrus is 4 months old and we are due for another checkup this coming Saturday. He is going to get his 2nd shots. Those unwanted side effects always make me nervous.

He’s been having bowel movements once a day for months but starting a few days ago he’s being have more bowel movements, four to five times. I checked with the nurse and she said as long as it’s consistent nothing to worry. I am not sure. Sometimes they seem the same but other times lighter colored. The nurse said maybe he is getting more food that’s why he is pooping more. I don’t see how he would be getting more food when I didn’t feed him more often. I’ve read that some people link diarrhea to teething due to swallowing more saliva. I am wondering that’s the case for Cyrus. He’s been drooling a lot and putting his fingers in the mouth to bite on. Actually, he’s being putting almost everything is his mouth these days, including my fingers. I’ve been trying to wash his toys regularly because of this. Anyway, got to check with the doctor on his change of bowel movements.

He’s as fussy as usual, especially when he is tired. My having caffeine would make the matter even worse, I’ve noticed. What a shame! I really like having tea. I haven’t had much tea since I got pregnant. I really miss having a few cups of tea everyday. Oh well, I guess as long as it’s for Cyrus’ benefits, it’s worth it. He needs to be pushed aggressively in the car seat when he is tired. I feel my arms about to fall off. When will he start to learn to sooth himself and fall asleep on his own? Can’t wait!!

Not that there is no progress though. He’s been able to sleep on his own for a few hours in the pram. I would nurse him in bed until he falls asleep and move him. However, I feel too lazy to do this again and again. He still gets up two to three times a night to nurse so I would let him sleep with me after midnight. It’s for my own sake. However, there is no scheduled nap times during the day, usually once in the morning, once in the afternoon and another one in the evening but they could be long or as short as half hour. Hard for me if I want to get things done!

He can laugh out loud now and I LOVE it. They are the most wonderful smile I’ve ever seen! How I hope to see those smiles forever and how sad it is that I will only get older while he grows. I wish to be with my boy forever.

He’s out grown lots of his sleepers. The hats that used to be too big fit just right on him now. I am so looking forward to the Christmas to open gifts for him. Can’t wait to see him in new clothes and playing with new toys.

Here is to share one of his wonderful BIG smile and his “Baby’s first Christmas” outfit!!

We had a huge fight last night. DH was stressed about going to work and I was stressed because Cyrus was fussy and I was tired of pushing and wanted to updating my diary. It was really bad. He insulted me and I was out of control. He felt I had a bad attitude and caused a fight before bedtime. I was simply driven nuts by Cyrus. I wanted to do something on the computer so I can do cleaning during the day. But it’s impossible if Cyrus didn’t go to bed. He felt I wasn’t grateful that he was supporting me. I felt he didn’t how difficult Cyrus can be.

We shouted at each other in front of Cyrus, talking about getting divorced. I slammed things. Cyrus was crying. This was not something parents should do. I’ve felt really bad. I am not a good mother.

We’ve not made up yet. DH was very angry this morning due to the lack if sleep. He said he didn’t want to talk to me. It’s hard to admit that you have a failing marriage. It’s even harder to know what you can do to fix it.