Vitus is the story of a child prodigy who has everything he wants except the chance to be a normal kid. At six, Vitus is both incredibly talented and wonderfully precocious. When it becomes evident that he has an exceptionally high IQ and can play piano like a young Mozart, expectations run high. His parents love him, his grandfather understands him, but no one knows the truth that his real genius is in his heart.

This movie really made me think. Think how we sometimes put so much pressure on our children. As soon as the baby is born, we have a “schedule” in our mind: when should he smile, crawl, sit, stand up, and walk. When should he start talking, reading, and so on. We tend to forget that everyone child is different and they have each own personality, strengths, and weaknesses. We tend to want our child to do whatever other child is doing.

Raising a child is kind of like offering a child food. You need to offer a variety of food but you can’t make decisions for them. I used to get upset when Cyrus didn’t eat something I offer but I don’t anymore. You can’t make choices for your child, they do. It’s their life and all you can do is to point out all different options available and let them know that you’ll be there for them no matter what.

I want to recommend two great toy brands that I usually see at those local toy stores. They both have great varieties and both emphasize the importance of toy safety.

Melissa and Doug: Here is a part of their safety statements.

No matter how carefully we design our products, we believe there’s no substitute for TESTING, TESTING, and MORE TESTING. The key to assuring the safety of our products is not simply insisting our factories follow our instructions, but to go one step further and AUDIT, INSPECT, AND TEST, not only once, but at various phases of the production process. This is something we’ve always done.

Additionally, we specifically test our paints and coatings very frequently, to be sure our toys meet or exceed government recommendations limiting heavy metals and lead in children’s items. We have cabinets full of thousands of passing test reports, and these passing results have been verified by 3rd party independently accredited testing laboratories, considered by many to be the best scientific laboratories in the world.

They have some great soft toys for babies as well as some big wooden toys for 3 year old and younger. We have a stacking wooden train similar to the following product.

My recent purchase from them is a set of 12-piece beginner puzzles. They are made out of wood so the little ones can’t break it. Other than farm animal scenes, they also have vehicles, wild animals, and sea life.

The other of our favorite brands: Plan Toys. The following is part of their environmental and social responsibility statement.

PlanToys is the first company to manufacture toys using wood from rubber trees that no longer provide latex. The trees grow to heights of 50 feet or more. The sap from the rubberwood tree is the world’s primary source of natural rubber. After about 25 years, the latex yield decreases and the trees are usually cut down and burned. Instead of wasting this valuable resource, building our toys from rubberwood helps preserve the delicate balance of our eco system. There is no deforestation involved in the harvesting of rubberwood, as felled trees are replanted with new ones. Rubberwood is an eco-friendly, sustainable, high quality wood. The paper used in our packaging is recyclable which further reduces waste and our plants use state of the art solar energy. Our plants use state of the art solar energy and biomass (fuel from biodegradable organic material).

Their quality standard:

Our toys start out as ideas in the creative minds of our veteran designers. Their ideas are transferred into sketches and soon become wondrous playthings. We have set meticulous manufacturing and assembly standards, including the use of chemical-free wood, nontoxic paints, and safety-conscious ergonomic shapes. All finished toys undergo a rigorous quality inspection before they leave the plant.

The toys we have from this company include this cute little alligator, great for a child who just starts walking.

Our most recent purchase from Plan Toys is their Plan City wooden rail and road set. Cyrus loves train, including Thomas the tank engine. Due to the major recall from R2C company, who made the Thomas Tank Engine train products, I decided to go with Plan Toys for the safety sake.

This set turned out to be Cyrus’ favortie among all other Christmas gifts. It’s definitely a great investment if you child likes trains and vehicles. Great quality and very easy to put together. I think I’ll buy more tracks and trains/vehicles to add to the set as Cyrus gets older.

The following construction vehicle set is also something Cyrus love a lot. His grandmother bought them.

Toys are such important part of a child’s development. It’s important to take the time to do research and pick out the good and safe toys for them.

The only way to help America be a safer place is that America can be a good member of the global community, not the boss.

I just want a safe place for my child. That’s all a mother wants.

If you are interested in the book, please go to My First Year in Purgatory . Org. You can preview the first 10 pages from there.

I did it last Saturday and my body still ached. It was about two hours drive from my house to the Toronto zoo.  We left the house around his nap time but for some reason he was wide awake the whole time. I tried offering him some lunch when we got there but he only wanted a few of blueberries.

I used Ergo baby carrier. He was on my back pretty much the whole time. It was a bright sunny day but he decided to take his hat off and I couldn’t put it back on. I didn’t dare to put him down. For one, he might just run away from me and play and “catch me if you can” game. For two, it’s kind of hard to put him on my back now that he is so big and heavy. I know some moms can do it but I am simply not good at it.

It was SO tiring carrying him for the good three-four hours time and couldn’t sit down and rest. He seemed to be okay until the very end. Our good time sort of ended when he threw this nice little water bottle on the ground. It was a metal bottle from granddad and very cute. It dented after hitting and cement ground. I got pretty mad and spanked him. He let out a little cry and lowered his head for a good half hour, no response to any of my words.

I felt a little bit guilty and to be honest was so tired so I decided to let him down at the kangaroo section. The kangaroos are fenced in but you can walk in and get a closer look. They want you to stay on the walk path though. Even though I warned him stay where he was with me, he took off and ran towards the kangaroos. Kangaroos were all lying down and relaxes but sat up as soon as they saw Cyrus’ approaching. Kind of a scary moment.

I then half let him walk half carried him in my arms the rest of the tour. It’s very tiring but my back needed a break. He was screaming when I was carrying him back to the car because he kept wanting to run in the parking lot. I was so relieved when he was finally in the car seat! Whew!

The dinner went okay. But I don’t think I will take him to the zoo again by myself, at least not until he is a few years older. Two year olds are simply too difficult to control!!!!!

Last week, I felt the need to organize my closet and got rid of some clothes I haven’t worn for years. They are still good clothes but I simply don’t like the style anymore. (Or maybe the style doesn’t fit my age anymore.)

Then I went shopping.

Just a couple years ago, I liked short skirts and clothes that show a lot of skin. I like the style and price at Gap and old Navy and similar kind of stores. A couple years later, now, my taste seems changed. I don’t know if it has anything to do with me being a mother. Those clothes at Gap don’t appeal to me anymore. The price is still good but the style looks too “amateur” or “unprofessional” to me. Am I becoming more and more conservative?

I used to think clothes at Ann Taylor and New York and company over priced and “old”. All a sudden they look great on me. The price aren’t bad either if they are on sale. Ann Taylor’s clothes are still more “serious” then I like but they are great for work. New York and Co’s clothes are my favorite now. They have casual outfit as well as more business looking ones.

I’d never walked in to Banana Republic before but I start to now. They are still way out of my budget but maybe I’ll get a couple of nice jackets/coats when they go on sale.

It’s funny how my taste on clothing changes. I guess where you shop shows your age too. Ha.

DH is supposed to be the best man and I one of the bridesmaids. The bride picked this boutique store in Long Island for dresses. My dress costs more than my own wedding gown. She also says we need to get non-open-toes golden shoes. Anyways…everything is an ordeal and everything has to be exactly what she is expecting.

Our biggest problem now is that we may not have anyone to watch Cyrus. The wedding is at five but we need to get ready beforehand and have photos taken in the afternoon. Cyrus naps between 12:30pm – 5pm and someone needs to be in the room with him. However, we are not comfortable having a stranger (nanny) there alone with him when he’s sleeping. My MIL is a good option but unfortunately she doesn’t even know if she can make it due to her health.

We thought about my aunt and cousin who live in NJ. Thanks to the Friday wedding, my aunt needs to watch the restaurant and my cousin needs to go to school! We’ve brainstormed for a long time but can’t come up with any good solutions. I think we both realize the worst scenario would be that one of us bows out of the wedding. No one is going to be happy but they could have helped us more on this!

Why start day care on Thursday? So I can see how he does at the day care. It’s a family group day care. People who run the day care are an old couple, Sharon and Mike. They seem very friendly and nice. Their place is very sunny and organized. There are a lot of toys for children. They take children out for a walk or let them play in the yard regularly. The most important thing is that they seem to know what they are doing and they don’t watch TV there. A couple of other places we’ve looked at play TV. I don’t want Cyrus to have that bad habit. Even an hour a day seems too much. Another good thing about this day care place is that they are only 5 minutes drive from my house. It would be quite convenient for me or DH to pick him up.

They usually take a nap between 12:30pm and 2:30pm. Cyrus nap schedule is not really like that now but Sharon reassured me that children adjust fairly quickly. I sure hope so. Another thing I am worried about is nursing. I’m still nursing and not planning on completely weaning. I won’t pump. He doesn’t take bottles anyway. But I want to nurse him in the morning, before he goes to day care, and then in the evening when we come home. I hope he will get used to that as well.

I feel sad that I can’t spend time with him at home anymore. However, I feel pretty excited about going back to work. I finally can “get paid.” I finally can add some new additions to my wardrobe, looking like a “woman” not just a “mom”. I know it’s going to be hard working and raising a child but nothing is going to be harder than being a full time mother: no pay, 24 hours, no break, and no appreciation.

I am so fed up with no appreciation part. I did all the grocery shopping and cooking but all I got is complaints about not reading the ingredients and not buying healthy enough food. After all these days looking after Cyrus, all I’ve got was “you don’t even know what your son wants to eat. He is too thin. I’ll have to cook if I don’t want him to starve” when Cyrus was being a picky eater and refused to eat what I’ve prepared for him.

Further more, they think a stay-home-mother simply sit around, having a good old time with a child. I mean, I need to get his meals ready, feed him, clean up, read to him, play with him, and trying to get somethings done while he naps. It’s meal time again before I realize it. DH always complains that I don’t know how to keep a house neat and clean. He complains that toys are everywhere. Hello, why should I keep putting things away if he is going to get them out in 5 minutes? Wouldn’t it make more sense to do it at the end of the day. I know the house looks clutter because of toys laying around. But what do you expect? You have a little child at home!

So to be honest. I am tired of being a stay home mother without having any appreciation. What could be worse than doing a 24/7 job without pay and no appreciation on top of it. Forget it! I think I better of being a working mom, at least I will get paid and be financially independent.

I feel a little bit nervous sending Cyrus to a day care. I know a lot of people are doing this and Cyrus will be just fine. But still, I can imagine him looking around for me and cries and cries. I am worried that they wouldn’t know how to deal with it when he cries.

Yesterday I had a last minute interview. Thank goodness my friend Traci was available and was willing to watch Cyrus for me for a couple of hours. I think this was the first time Cyrus was with someone other than his parents or grandparents. The interview went okay. When I called Traci after the interview was done, I could hear Cyrus crying in the background.

When I arrived at Traci’s, she was holding Cyrus in her arms with her daughter Ruby next to her, reading. Cyrus wasn’t crying until he saw me. Traci told me that he was okay when I first left but then he started looking for me. He stood at the door, where I left from, and pound on the door, crying. Then he calmed down when she held him in the arms and read to him.

I wish I could send Cyrus to a friend or a family member instead of a day care. But I don’t think it’s an option for us. Though I enjoy watching him play and grow, I am ready to go back to my career. I am more a career woman than a housewife, after all. DH is thinking about switching career, thus it’s important that we have secure income and health coverage.

Why take the risk? I’ve made some calls to some major toy companies regarding this. Shockingly, some major, well-known toy companies are still using PVC. Most of them have stopped using lead, cadmium, and phthalates though. Nevertheless, I believe PVC-free should be an international wide regulation for toy manufacturers. No matter what, there are better options out there than plastics.

Here is the report by Green Peace in 2003.

Grades:
A: Excellent, will phase out all PVC products, or products contain no PVC
B: Above average, will phase out some PVC products
C: Average, will eliminate phthalates in toys for children under 3
D: Below average, will eliminate phthalates only in toys intended for the mouth
F: Fail, no policy change

Manufacturer 2000 Grade 2003 Grade Comments

Brio A A Keep up the great work!
Chicco B A Good effort
Discovery Toys C B Could do better
Disney D Inc No reply after repeated inquiries
Evenflo D A What an improvement – bravo!
First Years D C+ Not living up to potential, but keep trying
Gerber A A One of the stars!
Hasbro/Galoob/Playschool D Inc No reply after repeated inquiries
International Playthings (Primetime & Early Start A A One of the stars!
Kids II D Inc no reply after repeated inquiries
Lamaze Infant Development B A Hope you can eliminate PVC in those last three products quickly
Lego Systems A A Still waiting for the elimination of PVC in train wiring
Little Tykes A C May have been misgraded in 2000, what a disappointment
Manhattan Baby F B Incredible improvement – keep it up!
Mattel/Tyco/Fisher Price C C Could do a lot better – keep working at it
Munchkin Inc. F D Barely improved – need to work much harder
Safety First D Inc No reply after repeated inquiries
Sassy A A Please get rid of that one PVC product – the baby photo book
Shelcore C D Very disappointing
Tiny Love A A Great work!
Warner Bros. F Inc No reply after repeated inquiries

Source: http://www.greenpeace.org/usa/news/2003-toy-report-card

Alice has been temping. I feel so jealous. Actually, I’ve been feeling jealous whenever I see a pregnant woman. There is nothing I can do about it even if I want to get pregnant now because I haven’t got my period. I envy breastfeeding mothers who already have their periods. I love nursing and I really don’t feel weaning Cyrus just yet. It’s just so wonderful holding him in my arms and feeling I am offering him something natural. It’s the most wonderful gift I can give him. I would feel awfully bad if I need to wean him in order to get pregnant. I pray that I’ll ovulate soon and don’t need to stop nursing.

Cyrus is quite handful actually. I also need to go back to work, part-time job to start with at least. DH is not happy with his job and is under a lot of pressure. If he decides to quit, we will lose the health insurance, which is another worry. During this kind of unstable situation, I am not quite sure getting pregnant is too wise an idea. However, I love what Alice said “if God brings us to it, He’ll bring us through it.”

DH and I would love to have two more children. I don’t like them to be too far apart, age wise but there are some realities we need to take into consideration. One of them is our marriage problem. We are not a great couple. We fight and I feel that makes us not good parents. I always feel so guilty when we have a fight in front of Cyrus. He shouldn’t have to go through these. Being a good parent is the most difficult thing in the world, I think. I want to give him a sweet home. I do and I am working on it.

I want Cyrus to have siblings really badly. It’s just so hard to know when is the right time to do it and if you can give them the best environment to grow up in.